


And Up She Rises (Early in the Morning)

by Mooglow



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mentions of Cancer, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24054727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mooglow/pseuds/Mooglow
Summary: Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night, still feeling poorly from his bug and needing someone to hold him. Charity and Noah are there to help him.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	And Up She Rises (Early in the Morning)

**Author's Note:**

> Set the morning after Vanessa asks Rhona to be Johnny's legal guardian. Episode aired on 27th April 2020.

The feeling of something poking at her side starts to stir Charity awake. Brain still foggy with sleep, she tries to shift away from the prodding - only to find she's hit a dead-end. And she's still getting poked and prodded like an animal. Charity is dimly aware that whatever it is, it's small and there's probably more than one. Groaning in defeat, she turns back and reluctantly opens her eyes. Expecting to see her fiancée, she's instead surprised to find the small body of Johnny standing before her.

He's lit up by a dim yellow light coming from somewhere to the side, which makes some of the printed dogs on his Paw Patrol top shine a little bit. One arm is clutching a teddy to his chest (his current favourite: a blue elephant that Tracy got him well over a year ago) while the other is using its hand to assault Charity through the duvet. Seeing the object of his torture waking up, he stops the onslaught of his tiny fingers and returns the offending arm to his teddy.

“You okay, Johnnybobs?” Charity asks, voice tired and hoarse. The little boy in front of her shakes his head. She reaches an arm out from under the duvet and runs her hand through Johnny's short hair. “Your tummy hurting again?”

Johnny nods, gripping his teddy tighter and giving Charity one of the most heart-wrenching puppy dog eyes she's ever seen. He's definitely Vanessa's child, that's for sure.

As her mind sluggishly boots back up, Charity starts to remember everything that happened the day before. And now she's realising that she's not in her bed (with her fiancée), but on the sofa downstairs (alone). Again. Because Charity, after hiding in the Woolpack all day, couldn't face the thought of dealing with Vanessa's doe-eyed baby blues and her softly worded apologies. All they would've done is further rub in the fact Vanessa thinks Rhona is a better parent than Charity, or how Vanessa thinks Rhona is more trustworthy with her son more than Charity. Sure, absolutely everyone in the village probably thinks that already, and they'd handed out their judgement on Charity's parenting skills long ago, but it still blind-sided Charity to find out that Vanessa thought the same as the rest. Vanessa Woodfield, the tiny, fiery blonde who means more to Charity than her words have ever been able to say. The woman who speaks of trust like it's the Holy Grail of life. The one person in this village who she thought would be firmly on her side, knowing how desperate Charity is to be a good mum.

Sitting up, Charity pushes the spare duvet off of her and stretches her back, groaning at ache settled in her spine and the slight spring chill in the air. They really should think about getting a new sofa. At this rate her back will be as bad as Paddy's, which she definitely does not want. Just the thought of Paddy trying to make them bond over their dodgy spines makes Charity want to immediately check herself for hives.

She also silently thanks her past self for leaving a bag of old pyjamas next to the spare bedding. There was no way she was going to sleep in yesterday's clothes, as itchy as they would've been and as stinking of beer as they were (not from her own drinking, for once, but from Bear somehow knocking a tray of pints over. She would have killed him on the spot, if not for Chas), so the only other option would've been to strip down to her knickers. Which would've probably ruined Johnny's innocence far more than the grey pyjama set she's wearing, so she mentally thanks past-Charity again for thinking ahead.

Charity gently guides Johnny up onto the sofa and into her arms, where the boy automatically shuffles as close as he can to her. She touches his forehead with the back of her hand. It's a little warmer than she'd like. “Okay. Let's try you with some water, yeah?” Charity says.

Johnny's looking up at her with tired, pained eyes. She can't smell anything nasty on him, like vomit, which hopefully means his bug is dying down. His has been a few days now. He should even be able to hold down some toast soon. Maybe that means the same for Moses. She'll have to phone Ross later and check on him.

“It's okay, Mum. I've got it.”

Startled, Charity swivels her head around to look at the voice. She's shocked to see Noah by the kitchen sink, bathed in the golden light of the lamp beside him. He's wearing those ratty, hole-ridden jogging bottoms he outgrew months ago – which he refuses to bin, despite Vanessa and Charity's combined effort, because they're 'comfy' – and one of those rock band tops Charity bought for his birthday. Seeing his mother gawping at him, he waves one of Johnny's cups to her before filling it with tap water.

Noah seems unperturbed by her confusion, but he still responds to the unspoken question Charity hasn't quite thought out yet. “I heard Johnny crying and trying to get to your room, so I got him. Thought it'd give you and Ness a break for once.” His eyes narrow slightly as he keeps looking at her, turning the sink tap off. “How come you're down here again, anyway?”

Charity swallows, tilting her face to look at Johnny, the little lad now gazing at the taller teen. Noah's a good kid. He's also not daft, Charity knows. He's been wounded enough times by his mother over the years to look for the warning signs of anything strange, for anything that could hurt him at some point down the line.

It still pains her to to know she's responsible for this. How Charity's been stupid enough and selfish enough to hurt her boy so many times over the years, to leave him look at everything she does with suspicion. In case he needs to prepare himself, for when her stupidity breaks the family again.

(Really, it's no wonder Vanessa picked Rhona instead of Charity. She trusts her not to damage Johnny, to dote on him and fight for him like she does for Leo. Unlike Charity, who's damaged all of her kids one way or another and somehow keeps finding way to hurt them, despite trying her best not to.)

But she can't tell Noah the truth. Not with Johnny right in front of her, little lip wobbling and eyes watering, and everything (technically) still up in the air. It wouldn't be fair on any of them. Plus, Noah shouldn't need to worry about any of this. He's still a kid, still Charity's little boy no matter how tall he grows or how deep his voice gets. He shouldn't have to keeping dealing with his mother's problems.

So Charity tells a half-truth, eyes fixed on Johnny as she smooths his hair down. “Came in late after closing the Woolie again. Didn't want to chance waking Ness. You know how tired she's been lately; she needs all the kip she can get.”

She looks up to see Noah's eyes still narrowed, boring into her. She can see his mind puzzling through her words, looking for any hidden meaning. Charity scrambles to think of something to distract him and comes across something she really should've realised sooner. His eyes aren't only narrowed because he's annoyed.

“You've been up all night, haven't you?” Charity accuses. Noah's eyes immediately widen and dart away. “I know it's the Easter holidays and what-not, but staying up all night can't be good for you. Have you had any sleep at all?”

Judging by the way Noah refuses to look at her, she's got him dead to rights. But her heart's not into chastising at the moment, so Charity sighs and relents. “I suppose it's a good thing this time, since you were there for Johnny. Just don't make a habit of it, yeah? Sleep is good for you an' all that.”

Noah's eyes move back to her, clearly surprised. “Yeah. I guess.”

The shift of surprise to faint gratitude on Noah's face makes Charity inwardly pleased with her choice. Maybe she should go easy on him more often, if it gets him to look at her like that. And it is half-term now, so as long as he studies and gets his sleep sorted before school starts back up he should be fine.

Interestingly though, Noah doesn't let go of the topic straight away. “I was actually going to sleep, y'know. But like I said, I heard Johnny, so...”

As if on cue, the little boy whimpers.

“Where's Mummy, Char'ty?” Johnny mumbles, pressing his face into Charity's neck.

She can't stop her sharp inhale, nor the ache in her chest, but Charity's proud of how steady her voice is as she responds, “Mummy's still in bed sleeping. She's really tired, Johnnybobs. But I'm here for you, okay?”

Noah wanders over to them, poking Johnny's shoulder as he holds out the cup for Johnny to take. “Me too, mate. We'll always be here for you. Won't we, Mum?”

Charity deliberately focuses on watching Johnny reach out for his cup, praying that Noah can't read her. He wouldn't like what he'd see if he could, she knows. Her emotions are a cloud of negativity, while Noah's radiating sunshine and rainbows in comparison. Noah sounds so sure of everything he's said, like there's no other possibility for them. As if Johnny's firmly wormed his way into Noah's heart the same way Moses did.

Just like a little brother does.

“Yeah,” Charity replies. What else could she possibly say? 'Sorry Johnny, we can't, because Mummy would rather you be with someone else instead. But don't worry, we'll still be around somewhere!' 

It hurts. She's knows it's bad to admit it, after living together for as long as they have, but Charity has never actually taken much time to think about any of this in-depth before. She's taken Johnny's presence for granted; she's known from the start that him and Vanessa would always be an inseparable pair, but somehow she's never thought of Johnny as just Johnny. It's always been Vanessa-and-Johnny, or Moses-and-Johnny, or Charity-Vanessa-Moses-and-Johnny. He's always been linked to someone else in her mind, a person who is officially Vanessa but more often than not is actually Moses, which in turn keeps him linked to Charity. It's just so typical for Charity to only realise exactly how much she cares about Johnny, how she really, really likes the thought of an official Charity-and-Johnny, when Vanessa's been taken out of the equation permanently (but hypothetically, only hypothetically, she quickly reminds herself) and Rhona's swooped in to steal Johnny away at a record pace.

But it's not stealing, Charity corrects herself mentally. It's not stealing if Rhona is the one Vanessa's chosen to take him.

It's too early in the morning for this line of thought. She almost misses the years where she used to kill all her negativity with alcohol and a nasty hangover. And she still doesn't know what the time actually is.

Clearing her throat, Charity nods her head towards the coffee table. “Do me a favour and pass me my phone, Noah.”

Noah obliges, quickly fetching the phone. She frees an arm to take it from him, leaving Johnny to drink the water from his cup in peace.

She unlocks it to see 04:24 blaring at her in bright, white numbers. Too early to get up, but too late to go back to sleep. Typical. It's what she gets for doing a late shift on a Friday, filled with prep for the weekend, then agreeing to deal with an emergency drayman at the crack of dawn for her sleep-starved, baby-brained cousin. But Johnny in pain is a good enough reason to ignore the sluggishness she feels, Charity thinks. And maybe Chas is too, since she has to make an effort every now and then.

“Right then, Johnnybobs,” Charity starts, “let's get you back to bed, yeah?” She shifts the boy into a firmer hold as she slowly stands up, careful to not agitate his sore stomach. She then turns to look at Noah. “And you can get off to bed as well. Think you've earned yourself a lie in, mister.”

He smiles softly, eyes lighting up even in the dimness of the living room. “Can you make sure Ness knows? So she don't get me up? I still get nightmares from last time.”

Charity can't help but laugh. She vaguely remembers that morning. It was before everything went to hell, back when the only reasons Charity and Vanessa stayed up at night were adult activities and wedding planning. The never-ending grumbling from Noah as he thundered down the stairs, his t-shirt stained and face still damp, along with the smug, satisfied smirk on Vanessa's face as she sauntered behind him with a spray bottle had Charity in stitches. Sarah had whipped her phone camera out at record speed - Charity wouldn't be surprised if she still has the photos on her phone - while Johnny and Moses just looked confused by everything, munching away at their breakfast.

In Vanessa's defence, Noah had been warned about five times beforehand.

“Don't worry. I've got to sort out the drayman for Chas in a bit, but I'll make sure Ness knows. And I'll phone Trace, get her to come round as soon as, so she can look after Johnny.”

She'll have to tell Tracy to try him with some toast, too, if he's up to it.

“Cool. See you later, Mum,” Noah says with a small smile before he turns and heads up the stairs, leaving the kitchen and upstairs lights on for Charity to deal with. 

Charity looks back down at Johnny, seeing his eyes begin to droop even as he keeps sipping water. As quietly as she can, Charity turns off the kitchen light and creeps her way to Moses and Johnny's bedroom, trying not to jostle Johnny too much on the way. Once Charity gets there, she frees a hand just enough to pull back the duvet on Johnny's bed before she sets him down. The young boy is clearly nodding off, struggling to hold both his half-empty cup and his elephant teddy. Charity delicately takes the cup from his hands, placing it just so on Johnny's bedside cabinet to be within reach, and tucks the little boy in to bed, his comforting elephant still in his grasp.

“Do you want me to read you a story?” Charity asks in a whisper. She's still got plenty of time before she needs to shower and get going for the drayman.

He nods his head, like she expected him to. It's no secret that the boys think Charity is the best at reading stories, something she of course brags about whenever she feasibly can.

“Okay. How about...” 

She ponders, finger tapping her chin dramatically as she looks over the kid's book collection. They had to buy a little bookcase last year because the floor became a dangerous mix of lethal toys and slippery books. A couple years down the line and Johnny will be able to start his own library with the rate he goes through books. Moses has nothing on Johnny's insatiable need for reading books, preferring the interactivity of his kids tablet instead.

Eyes gravitating to one in particular, Charity walks over to pick it up and shows it to Johnny. “How about Elmer?”

It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to work out why Charity picked this one, but Johnny's swift and sure nod confirms that her choice is good. Maybe he's in an elephant phase right now. Settling herself beside Johnny on the bed, she starts to read.

“There was once a herd of elephants.”

Charity keeps her volume down as she reads, mindful of the rest of the house being asleep, while still injecting as much character and silliness into her voice as she can. She looks up halfway through to find Johnny already sleeping soundly. Still, she finishes reading the book before she puts it away. Charity hesitates then, unsure of what to do and what's appropriate, before she thinks an emphatic 'sod it' and goes back to the bed.

“Sweet dreams, baba,” she murmurs, before kissing the top of Johnny's head. Finally, she turns and leaves, shutting the door gently behind her. Turning on the torch on her phone, so she doesn't trip all over the place, she turns off the hallway light and heads for her bedroom.

When Charity gets to the door, she hesitates again. How pathetic is she, to get this nervous about her own bedroom because her own fiancée is in there? Steeling herself for whatever mood Charity might be confronted with, she slowly opens the door and walks in. Closing the door behind her, she lifts her phone up just enough to see the bed.

Vanessa's turned away from the door, so Charity has no idea if she's woken up yet. Not wanting to startle her if she's on the cusp of waking, Charity calls out gingerly, “Ness? You awake?”

The only response she gets is silence. Then the tiniest of snores breaks it.

Silently thankful, Charity fetches her dressing gown and heads to the bathroom. She takes her time showering, because she can, and takes her time going through her morning routine, also because she can. She doesn have time to kill, after all. By the time Charity finishes her phone informs her that it's just past 06:00. She steps into the hallway to find daylight filtering in through the window, lighting the hall enough to see.

Charity decides to check on Johnny again before going back to her bedroom. Peeking in through the doorway, she can see the boy is still out for the count. Smiling, she heads her room, fresh and ready for the day ahead, only to find that this time Vanessa is awake, lying flat on the bed, and turning her head to stare straight at Charity, who's currently stuck frozen at the open door. Suddenly, reality comes crashing back down and Charity doesn't feel prepared any more.

The curtains they have aren't blackout, so some light always gets through. Daylight envelops Vanessa, highlighting her dishevelled blonde hair and half of her face, which itself is highlighted by the shadows framing her features. Normally, Charity would find the sight breathtaking. And she still does, like she always will. But right now she's too busy fighting against pain and anger, becoming louder than the dull roar Charity had gone to sleep with, to appreciate the sight like she normally would.

“You didn't come to bed last night,” Vanessa says. She's clearly not long woken up, her voice slightly husky with sleep and blue eyes barely open, but that doesn't stop the accusation seeping into her voice. She knows that Charity has been avoiding her yet again. It makes Charity bristle, her defences starting to rise without permission, because surely this time the situation they're in isn't entirely her fault.

“I had a late night,” Charity responds nonchalantly, running a hand through her slightly damp hair, “and I figured you'd want some space.”

Charity doesn't explain why, she doesn't need to, and that assumption is proved right when Vanessa's eyes close in understanding, a little crinkle forming on her brow in thought.

“I don't need it,” Vanessa sighs. Opening her eyes fully, she's stares straight into Charity's own pair and dives right into the topic Charity's been avoiding. “I thought you'd be relieved, you know. To not have to worry about taking care of Johnny.”

Vanessa looks genuinely confused, like she truly doesn't understand why Charity isn't thrilled about all this. And that honestly might be what hurts the most, because Vanessa usually knows Charity as good as, or even better, than she knows herself.

“Like I said Ness, it's your decision. I'll go with whatever you choose.”

She doesn't say what she wants to say, which is that Vanessa's making a mistake. That while Rhona may be the better parent of the two, she doesn't care about Johnny like Charity does; she hasn't been there for him for the past two years like Charity has. Charity doesn't say that she and her little brood of Dingles really are Johnny's family, exactly as Vanessa had claimed before it all went wrong; before Charity slightly hesitated, because Vanessa talking about a doomsday scenario where she dies is still too much to even think about.

Charity doesn't say any of that, because it's not her place to force Vanessa into a decision. Vanessa's the one who is actually suffering here, as has been made clear to Charity time and time again. All she needs from Charity is support for her choices. Even if it makes Charity hurt and miserable, or leaves her simmering with annoyance, she can't just blow up, not without reason. So, she's going to try her best to support Vanessa's decision despite how much she dislikes it.

The silence between is almost unbearable, so unnatural. Then, "You know I love you, don't you? So much."

Swallowing thickly, Charity nods. "Of course I do. I love you too." She means every word. She always will, no matter how many disagreements they may have. And she knows Vanessa means them too. But they hit harder now than they used to, no longer being words that solely filled her to the brim with happiness and pride. They still do just that, but now every time they're spoken there's also the presence of something darker, holding on to Charity's chest in the fear that one day the words will be spoken with a tone of finality.

Vanessa, who up until now has been tucked under the bed, decides to shift herself to sit upright. She glares at Charity in irritation when she virtually leaps over to help (ever the feisty rocket woman, her Vanessa) but ultimately the aid isn't refused.

Charity makes sure Vanessa's comfy among her pillows, ignoring the light-hearted slaps on her arm from her stubborn blonde, before she steps back and completely changes the topic. “I've got to sort out the drayman in a bit, babe. Told Chas I'd do it for her so she can have a lie in. She's had her hands full lately, taking care of the crying baby. Eve's been a bit of a pain too.” Vanessa smiles slightly at the routine Paddy jab, which Charity marks as a result. “And I told Noah that he could sleep in. Johnny woke up a couple hours ago and he helped out. Think he deserves it.” 

And there goes that smile.

“What? Is Johnny alright? Why didn't you get me?” Vanessa demands. Her forehead crinkles, a firm frown settling on her mouth as she immediately moves to get up.

Charity holds up her hands, “Whoa there, Ness. Hold your horses. He's fine.” Seeing Vanessa pause, she continues on, “He woke up with tummy pains, is all. Noah got him some water and I took him back to bed. He's still sleeping, I just checked.”

Frown still in place, Vanessa seemingly relents as she settles back onto the bed. “Still, I don't get why Johnny didn't come to me first,” Vanessa says, eyes fixed on something she's fiddling with under the cover. Charity makes an educated guess that it's her ring finger. A sign that she's anxious about something, Charity knows.

It kind of hurts, seeing Vanessa not even entertain the thought that Johnny might've looked for Charity too. Which is funny, because Charity has to admit that not too long ago she probably wouldn't have batted her eyelids at it. Heck, even Johnny had asked where Vanessa was earlier.

“Apparently, he did.” Vanessa looks up at that, her baby blues sparkling in confusion. “Noah said he was heading here. But he got to Johnny first, saying he wanted to give you a break.”

At that, Vanessa gives a warm smile. “Noah's a good kid, isn't he?”

Charity smiles back, because he is. Gobby teenage angst aside, she wouldn't trade her son for the world. It fills her with pride to know that Noah is hers. He's fairly well behaved for a teenage lad, ignoring the occasional acting up. She did way worse at his age, after all. Admittedly, it wasn't really by choice in her case, but still. Compared to some of the other teens in the village, past and present, he's pretty tame. The fact that Charity, the village punchline when it comes to parenting jokes, has ended up with a boy like Noah, despite everything, surely has to mean something.

“But,” the smile turns to confusion, as Vanessa wonders, “why was he the only one up? If Johnny was loud enough to wake him up, then I'd have thought he'd wake me or Sarah up too. Sarah's room is even closer than Noah's is.”

Ah. Charity almost forgot about Noah's nightime habits. That's probably something she should improve on, parenting wise. Noah's already a lost cause, so she's just going to have to focus on Moses and his growing tablet fascination. “Well I'm pretty sure he was already awake, babe. Actually, it'd be more right to say that he didn't even need to wake up.”

Vanessa's eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. “You mean to tell me he's been up all night?” she asks incredulously.

Charity shrugs. “It's those video games, innit?” She laughs at Vanessa's bewildered sputtering. “Don't worry, I told him off." Kind of. "But I figure this time he deserves to sleep in late this time, yeah? Better than dealing with a half-asleep Noah later on.”

Vanessa shakes her head and mumbles something to herself, but there's no mistaking the small quirk of her lips. It's nice, this is. Everything feels normal. Like there was never a tumour festering in her fiancée for God knows how long, like they haven't been bickering on and off ever since Graham ruined their wedding.

But the grimace on Vanessa's face as she shifts on the bed, and the unnatural pallor of her bare skin, reminds Charity that no, none of this is normal. Her mind's taken back to Johnny, who still doesn't know what's happening to his mother; he's happily ignorant of everything his family's going through as he slumbers peacefully in his bed, safe from the cruelty in the life he still thinks is the normal he knows.

She's not sure they can ever go back to that normal again.

**Author's Note:**

> This marks the first time I've ever pushed through a draft to actually finish a fic for a fandom, nevermind deciding to post it publicly while I haven't slept in a day and I'm being dreadful at proofreading. So hooray for progress! Criticisms are very welcome if people choose to give it, since I'd like to learn. Otherwise, I hope at least one person enjoys.
> 
> I wanted to do something for this storyline, even if it'll probably be invalidated almost immediately. I sympathise with everyone involved and I can totally see both sides of this guardianship plot, even if this fic focuses mostly on Charity and Johnny. I was toying with something for Vanessa's point of view, but who knows if I'll ever finish it. I also have no idea if it's actually Easter half-term at this point in the show, given the change in scheduling thanks to Covid-19, but going off of the Good Friday mentions and my inability to remember if any of the children being in school uniform lately, I'm just going to pretend it is.
> 
> In case it wasn't obvious enough: I 'borrowed' the title from the Drunken Sailor sea shanty, because I've been replaying Dishonored and it's the only thing I can think of when it comes to early mornings. Titles are hard.


End file.
